The Dangers of ‘Tantrum’ + Timeout

March 12, 2023

Calling all Mothers! Yes Women who have given Birth. It’s time to unite and in-sight! In-sight into our magic little people. Our little Guests of Honour. Our Children. With ancient Knowledge for modern Women.

→ 3 Tips to get the most out of this blog:

  • Keep in mind you’re unlearning
  • Keep your mind open and your defensiveness down
  • Understanding your own child helps heal your inner child

I’ll always speak up for them so get over yourself!

Yep always. Regardless of your righteous indignation. That stems from unconscious mindset, imperfect mothers and ingrained patriarchal reversals. Stay with me. This is not a personal affront. This is a dose of Earth Mother Knowledge. It’s your birthright. You needed it. You didn’t receive it. So how can you give it to your child? You cannot. And that’s sad. And that’s part of the problem in the world.

Once upon a time since the dawn of time, we’ve lived in Matriarchal, Mammalian Clans. Hence it takes a village to grow our children in safety and well-being with Wise, Healthy, Rejuvenated, supported Mothers. Earth + Soul Knowledge was mainstream. It was the baseline standard. Sadly, it was desecrated, destroyed and demolished during the Witch mania and destruction of our Grand Temples + Schools. And humanity has been impoverished, in turmoil and imbalance ever since. The damage is plain to see. Enough is enough. No pills, labs or labels will fix it. The very system that created it cannot and will not fix it. They have a vested interest in the maintenance and preservation of the status quo.

Healing the Feminine Psyche heals society

My innate Gift is 3 fold:

  • I understand human beings on every level
  • I have the eyes to see what most do not
  • I’m an Earth Mother – this is my gift to you

The first 5 years has the Power to illuminate or sadden a child’s life forever

Helping Mother’s get better helps humanity get better. The minefield of Motherhood misinformation is rife. Unconscious, imperfect mothering causes all manner of dysfunction, anxiety and sadness in children.

I understand human beings inside and out. I understand why things are the way they are. I understand the root causes and underpinnings of behaviours, dis-ease and violence cycles and the mechanics of cruelty. I’m here to help you all, my Sistars around the World, to wise up too. Irrespective of our uniqueness, our Circle of Needs are the same. Imagine what we can achieve with a baseline of Emotional Intelligence and Wisdom! (it’s coming)

As a youngster I spoke little and observed everything. I could look into someone’s eyes and see into their Soul in a flash. I could see them. Their gifts, their challenges, their pains, their path, their aspirations, their lies. All of it. In a flash. No judgement. Just discernment. I have the eyes to see. I’m a very Old Soul. I’m also an Earth Mother.

So please understand I will ALWAYS advocate for Children. (and Women). I’m fluent in their language. I was born to help you and humanity undo the patriarchal ingrained reversals. And restore ancient wisdom for the betterment of us all.

Unlearning and relearning. Deprogram + Recover. Stay with me. Mothering is above and beyond biology. It’s above and beyond, and wholly foreign to, the male experience. There’s a massive rift between the 2 clans – conscious Mothers and unconscious ones. There’s defensiveness and ghosting and dumbing down and all sorts of shit going on. The mask of motherhood is rife along with their minefield of mis-information. And children are paying the price. Undoing this is an essential healing act for humanity. Read that again.

→ ‘The survival and wellbeing of the next 7 generations depends on every thought and action we take now’ ¬ the Good Red Road

Right now they’re in jeopardy.

The downfall of the Motherite has been the downfall of us All.

01. Unlearning.

Here’s a little in-sight into how this got fucked up. Males in charge! This systemic fucked-up-ness originated during and after the Witch mania over the last 2 millennia. Homesteads, headmasters, head of households, king and clergy. Ugh. Gross. Way too broad a subject to cover here. My Woman-lore Programs cover all of this in a layering and developing, 3 Tier process. For now I’ll keep it very simple.

About 900 years ago males got their grubby hands on us and have since had the audacity to tell us how to Birth and Mother with disastrous consequences. 

There are a few very basic detri-mental consequences just for starters:

  • Cot death/separation from Mother
  • Tantrum/unmet needs
  • Timeout/self soothing
  • Terrible twos
  • Hitting/spanking
  • Ridicule/criticism

The 3 MAJOR hideous consequences are introduction of formula, controlled crying and genital cutting. But that’s another class in itself.

Mythbusting. Let’s mythbust Ladies and begin to eliminate and abolish these dangerous reversals, mal-practices and misunderstandings.

  1. Cot death vs co-sleep
  2. Tantrum vs meet needs
  3. Timeout vs TLC
  4. Terrible twos vs Terrific Twos
  5. Hitting (creates victim or bully dynamic) vs Nurturing

There’s a myriad of unconscious stuff going on.

¬ Battle of Wills. Aka the absence of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Aka ignorance. Aka control. Arguing with a child is a major indicator of ‘damaged child in adult body’. Same with indifference, stonewalling and passive aggressive behaviours. I’ve witnessed fathers create issues over chocolate milk with 3 yr olds. And turn the radio up in the car to drown out the child’s cry with mothers doing nothing. Cringe.

¬ Parental jealousy – children spot ‘awake’ a mile away. They can see auras and Wise Ones. They know when they’re safe, heard and understood. Sadly their unconscious mothers dislike it and will shut it down. Their fathers will hit them and scold them and send to bedroom timeout. Shame on you.

¬ the Academic parent – the mental realm folks, the ‘experts’ and the ‘Bache’ types riddled with male theories of old. The Uni parents who have ‘little professor’ kids. The know all know fuck all types who don’t understand emotions. They attempt to via words. The polar opposite is the hippie parent who overdoes it.

¬ the Critical parent – aka the shaming parent. If you choose to leave a toddler in a nappy due to your failure to understand Elimination Communication then don’t shame them for soiling the nappy! Shame on you. Ridicule and shaming is bullying and causes the child great internal suffering, sadness and distress. Do not laugh at children. You doing one-upmanship is a feeble attempt to meet your own needs at the childs expense. It’s belittling, demeaning and down right dishonourable.

¬ Disengaged parent – aka uninvolved. Both ends of the spectrum – Close + free dynamic or neglectful and fails to respond to their child’s needs beyond the basics of shelter, food, and clothing. Or the workaholic with little or no discipline, the strict or rigid discipline, withdrawing affection and attention. Shamers. Never good enough. Over or under achiever child.

¬ Parents create the problem – it’s very sad to see. When a parent gives a command without allowing time to do so then blames the child. The child attempts to explain but is railroaded. The mother tells the father who then spanks/punishes the child. Oh dear.

Unconscious parenting takes many forms and guises but is what it is – not to be dismissed or justified as ‘this is my parenting style’. The above list is far from exhaustive obviously but shows the many ways in which children are damaged with well intentioned folks repeating the detrimental reversals. Of course the extremely low level dangerous parents are the narcissistic, overbearing, abusive, misguided, punitive rules etc crew who do the greatest damage of all. It’s time to shift and uplift. It’s time to quit repeating the same Karmic shit. The lessons of the last 2 millennia have been learned → wounded Feminine = wounded psyche + society. This not a personal affront. This is a wake up call.

Clarity – each and everyone of us on Earth is unique with a unique path with lessons to learn. There are 2 parenting styles – Conscious + unconscious. There are get ups + set ups + worldviews + belief systems 3.5 light years wide! Perceptions change daily. But what we do need to change is the current baseline standard by restoring the Golden Art of Earth Mother Knowledge so we can rise up and out of this current quagmire. We’re capable of so much more.

02. Tantrum

Aka frustration! Aka little person is trying to get the message through to the big person who’s missing the mark. It’s that friggin simple. Dismissing a child’s expression of emotions as just a ‘tantrum’ is dishonourable invalidation. Same with ‘use your words’. Or ‘you just take things the wrong way.’ Cringe! It’s the mothers failure to have read and dealt with the situation in the first place. Well intentioned or not. Asking the child to explain emotions during or after the event is just another level of frustration. It’s absence of EQ. All of it. Are you listening? Good. Stay with me. This is a loving dose of straight talking Mumma Bear. There’s too much fake and fake positive and all manner of bullshit out there. Enough! Grab a cuppa and settle in. There’s plenty of unlearning to do!

Pro tip:

Emotions ALWAYS precede thoughts and actions. Here’s the underpinnings of a ‘tantrum’ aka ‘meltdown’:

  • ‘You’re not listening’
  • ‘You’ve missed my cues’
  • ‘You don’t understand’
  • ‘You haven’t met my need’
  • ‘I’m not heard or understood’
  • ‘You’re invalidating me’
  • ‘I need to do/learn/discover/assert/xyz
  • please leave me to do/learn it/discover it
  • I need to see, hear, feel, taste and do.

There is always a valid reason a child is expressing emotions whether you know it or not. Like it or not.

Children do not have the words! Nor should they have to! Most adults fail ‘Identify Feelings Class’ miserably. So quit expecting little people to do it! Bottom line is: you’re either tuned in or you’re not. Conscious or unconscious. Little people shouldn’t have to say a word. Genuine Emotional Intelligence is unspoken. It’s a Knowing. You know how people say they can read a room? So too you should be able read children. The fact most cannot is indicative of the damage done in this paradigm. Children with intune Mothers do not have ‘tantrums’. They don’t need to. Resilience is a natural bi-product of EQ. It’s an internal layering and developing process gleaned throughout a childhood with needs met. It’s not an external class.

Babies exhibit their needs and wants through body language and cues during their preverbal stage and of course throughout life. They truly are born brilliant. It’s the adults around them that are stuffer-uppers and cause shut down. How anyone can fuck up eating and peeing in children is astounding. It indicative of the level of Feminine wounding.   

Youngsters cannot express their emotions through vocabulary. Nor should they have to. It’s an unrealistic expectation, especially under the age of 8. That’s an unconscious detri-mental practice. To have to veer off emotions (how I feel) into the mental realm of words is invalidation of the emotions! But the big people fail to understand, realise or own the fact that they caused the frustration in the first place. They missed all of ‘little people’ communication PRIOR to and leading up to the expression of frustration.

They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time. Big things for little people.

So don’t you dare add insult to injury with a ‘timeout’!!

03. Timeout

Aka insult. Aka punishment (the ‘naughty’ step). Aka blaming and shaming. Aka abandonment. Aka conditional love (underpinnings of fickle friendship). Aka big person lacks the eyes, ears and skills. Aka big person has no Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Aka unmet needs.

Timeout destroys trust – in self and others. Self soothing and separation is dangerous, detrimental and a patriarchal, anti-mothering construct. It is a major underpinning of anxiety and depression.

Timeout is the worst thing to do to a child. They’re calling out for understanding and help. They’ve taken to yelling at you because you’re not listening. Good on them! The human spirit is phenomenal.

Chronic timeout breaks spirit

Timeout causes anxiety and then shut-down in children. It’s confusing and cruel. Timeout away from tlc, help, cope and hope is a horrible place to be. Chronic experience of criticism, ridicule, ‘tantrum’ + timeout creates distress and destroys self Worth. Read that again. And again. You’re unlearning.

04. Mothering has Always been a Free + Wise Enterprise. 

Who turned into a monetized, separated, isolated, anxious experience? The global wounded Feminine have been crippled Mothers generation after generation in all manner of dysfunction and dis-ease instead of in the epitome of health and Wisdom. Mothers have been left in the hands of males, left stranded, Motherless, shamed and blamed riddled with hardship, experiments, male societal controls, conditioning, convents and heartache. Just go back 100 years let alone 2000. What a mess.

Pro tips:

  • Go tribal, ancient
  • Babies are born brilliant
  • children do not need training, their mother’s do
  • Stop – And Listen – to children
  • Assertiveness begins age 2 – it’s essential learning ground
  • Ask yourself why and how you’re saying ‘no’ 
  • Assess your own triggers, controls and defence mechanisms
  • Hone your time management – child friendly style!
  • Be fucking gentle with your little Guest of Honour! 
  • They’re new in the world! Allow them space, time and joy to discover it.
  • Be careful what you’re ‘teaching’ can interrupt what they’re learning
  • It’s rude to interrupt someone when they’re concentrating
  • They don’t have your conditioning! Quit passing on your own
  • Throw the text books away – they’re so last century leave them there
  • And most importantly – your child is here to make you own the unresolved parts of yourself.

Read that again. They’re here to Teach you just as much you’re here to guide them. That’s profound. In the therapeutic world it’s called Transactional Analysis in family systems. In the Astrology world, it’s called a Composite Chart which gives insights into the dynamics + relationships between people → the ‘who + what’ you bring into your life to play out your stuff. Fascinating + accurate.

Your ‘teaching’ can interrupt their learning

Explain your ‘no’. Simple. Clean out your cupboards. If you have higly toxic shit in them get rid of them. My baby opened the under sink cupboard. My products are Earth friendly + eco. He picked up the detergent. I let him smell it. Tip it on his hands and feel it. I explained what it was for. I allowed him a lick. His face screwed up. I explained it was for dishes only and would make him sick if he ate it. I suggested he do the dishes. There were squeals of delight as he washed the dishes repeatedly standing at sink in his high chair for the next half hour. Let them do. He never felt the need to open that cupboard again except to do the dishes. He loved mixing in butter, mint and tea leaves too. Fun! Don’t deny their learning or experiences. because of clocks or because it’s inconvenient to you. Give time and kindness instead of locks and ‘no’. Come on you lot. You have tattoos stating ‘Be Kind’. Start with children!

05. ‘A baby’s cry is precisely as serious as it sounds’ ¬ Jean Liedloff.

Stop ignoring their cry!! Wake up! It’s infuriating watching unconscious mothers shopping with their babies/toddlers screaming their heads off. Wake up! And attend to their needs!

Make your Mothering go-to as tribal and Nature based as possible. Not a seperate room with ‘tantrum’ + timeout. Ignoring a child’s cry is neglectful. It goes against every fibre of Mother-being. Mother’s are hard wired to kill for their babies. It’s inherant. Mothers who don’t are damaged goods. How do we know when patriarchy have achieved their goal? The damage is plain to see.

Pro tip

For the first 5 months out and about, I used a sling that laid bub down across my belly. Baby cannot hold himself upright. It’s not good to have their legs spread apart. Out and about in noise and bright light/s is over stimulating and can lead to sensory overload = overwhelm. Being in sling is nice, warm, safe and covered when needed. Baby can have secret booby and sleep in there by adjusting straps. You’re hands free. Baby needs 1 layer more than us when out and about.

Avoid: the shops parent room! Ugh. What a nightmare. Lights + Radio blaring! Detergent smells or unkempt. Not the clean, peaceful, relaxing place to breastfeed or tend to baby. And avoid swaddling. Who wants to be trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey completely immobilized. Allow babies to move.

Abort: mission. Once your baby displays fed up and begins to cry and escalate, stop what you’re doing and head to the car. Tend to baby and settle her. Head home. And reschedule. This is empathy! This is where it begins – meeting your baby’s needs!

Children have no concept of the space time continuum under age 8! They’re not governed by clocks or inconvenience. You are. They operate in the NOW. In the present. You have a thing or 2 to learn from them. 

How many of you sit at your desk with a ‘live in the moment’ and ‘seize the day’ mantra yet punish your child for jumping in puddles or lying down in the street or shopping mall to see what they can see. How many unconscious mothers continue to shop with a baby/toddler screaming with complete indifference! (cringe!) Or those who threaten their toddlers will be left there and walk away because it’s time to go. You’ve got it all ass about face. Operating this way is an indication of zero skill set. Your parents did it to you. You repeat the cycle – same, same but different. It’s unconscious parenting that stems from Witch mania, deeply ingrained. Our foremothers were deeply wounded. They did the best they could.

Don’t shut down. Don’t bounce. Don’t take offence. Keep your indignation in check. This is not a personal affront. This is an essential healing act. This shit has to stop. We cannot keep these cycles going. They are the underpinnings of maladaptive behaviours and mental ill health. Children with unconscious parenting and unmet needs exhibit every syndrome under the sun. They become the victim or the bully, The narcissist or the little professor. They grow into damaged children in adult bodies parenting on repeat. They spend many years suffering from or repairing from their childhoods. Ignorance is the causation but it’s no excuse. Especially in this day and age. 

Own it. Own the fact you don’t know you don’t know. It’s a friggin Virtue. Accountability. And Self correcting. It’s good role modelling. Own up. Your children know you make mistakes. We can see you making mistakes. Quit this unconscious indignation. If your child is bedwetting at age 12, you’ve fucked up. Own it. Don’t ghost us. Wake up, fess up and learn! 

Old Souls teach and guide young souls. 

That’s a Universal given. A Gift that is sadly lost and forgotten in this day and age and one that must return. There is nothing more precious than a child and childhood. So throw the books away and learn from the Wise ones. Learn from the conscious Mothers instead of arguing, ghosting, competing or xyz. Justifying unconscious Mothering as a parenting style is BS. The proof is in your pudding. All part of your Soul Evolution together within your Soul Pod. 

Don’t expect Wise ones to stoop down to unconscious levels. That’s a disservice to us all.

→ The Remedy for this comes from Teaching Mammalian Clan Knowledge. It’s our response-ability to tip the scales back into conscious Mothering for the masses. Imagine what we can achieve then!

Key takeaways: Irrespective of our uniqueness, our Circle of Needs are the same. (not to be confused with the male version of maslow). ‘No matter your affinity with children, until you birth them, there’s a whole realm you know nothing about’ ¬ Amanda JT.

We have a way to go to fully Deprogram + fully Recover. And then we can shift and uplift back into the Woman’s Domain with genuine Wisdom, Consciousness and Knowledge – within my lifetime and yours. Fantastic things are coming! It’s Time. 

the Book List:

  • the Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff
  • the Mask of Motherhood by Susan Maushart
  • the Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner

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