February 2, 2023
This blog is dedicated to every Woman and Child who have endured abuse on any and every level. It’s written from my heart to yours because your story is my story and that of countless others. So you can be your very own North Star.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Your body and beliefs have taken a battering. But you have what it takes to change your stars and make a difference in the World. Because those who haven’t lived it have no clue. It’s up to us who have fully recovered to pave the way, because we know what they don’t. We have the eyes to see what they don’t. The only professionals to lead the way upward and onward, are us. We’re the experts. We’re not meant to be the fringe-dwellers, the outcasts or misfits. We see life differently because we’ve done the depths no-one else has. We’re the hard asses without the gag order. Celebrate that! So grab a cuppa and enjoy a fresh + free starter kit.
Chronic + Courage
You need to remember these 2 words. You’ve been in chronic stress, survival mode, hyper vigilance, burnout, depletion and treading on eggshells with a predator for years, left alone and unsupported by the damaged goods and incompetent system-idiots around you. You’ve long passed the adrenaline and cortisol and running on your adrenal glands into something that hasn’t been named yet. And that requires sheer tenacity and courage on a colossal, gargantuan level. Don’t you ever forget how incredible and Powerful you are. The Heroine-code is in our DNA. Unfathomable by others and completely unquantifiable. Once you deprogram and fully recover, you my lovely, are the ones to pave a better way. It’s my job to show you how.
3 Tips to get the most out of this blog
- Unfortunately, in the beginning stage, you’re going to be under their theories, rules and expectations until you learn to set yourself up for recovery & freedom
- Keep in mind this blog is just a starter kit to get you going
- Keep in mind ‘Stockholm syndrome’ is bullshit
Have you ever wondered …
who placed the blindfold on Lady Justice with her All Seeing Eyes? Or why a destructive drug was developed and named ‘heroin’? Now you do.
The answer is his-story; patriarchy. It’s time to wake up and Wise-up and Honour-up and VIP your ass! Because we’re the savvy women with the Heroine-code in abundance, born to upset the apple cart and pave a better way. It’s in our DNA. And it’s my job to help you do just that. It’s just in my DNA.
A few Universal Facts to Keep in Mind:
- abuse is doled out by the damaged/evil & weak. Read that again. It’s cowardice and fuck-up with a mask on. It’s the Puller Dynamic on steroids.
- there is no such thing as a crime of passion. It’s always a crime of control and destroy.
- you are never ever to blame for their damaged, evil shit. Read that again.
- abuse cycles roll on from one generation to the next until you break the chains.
- the origins of abuse stems from patriarchy.
→ Speaking the truth is not negative! ‘No-one is more hated than s/he who speaks the truth’ ¬ Plato. Massive indicator society is ass about face. Being wide awake on this ship of fools is tedious, mind numbing and not for the faint of heart. I got you.
→ Assertiveness is not anger. Being assertive is still widely misunderstood and frowned upon. Most people cannot handle strong, straight-up women. They’ll take offense because you’re not ‘sugar coating or pandering down or just putting up with’, aka being nice, passive and demure with the people-pleaser disorder. Ugh. Never! I run way too deep for that unconscious crap.
→ People are a reason, season or a lifetime. They come and go. And as you grow, repair, evolve and upgrade your awareness, well-being and life, so will the people around you change. It’s Natural. Know better = attract better.
→ Ghosting and cancel culture. Is shallow, nasty and dishonourable. It’s hurtful. It’s the ‘jellyback-way’. Indicative of gutless, spineless. Do not take offense or feel rejected by people who do this to you. They’re not strong enough or capable enough to be your friend or long term ally. The end.
Being Wide Awake
It’s a curse and a blessing at the same time. Whilst you’ll never really ‘fit in’, over time with recovery you’ll be glad of it and eventually hone your skills – turn your troubles into triumphs – and fly. There are many reasons why we’re wide awake. Too broad a subject to cover here of course, but the main one is this:
us survivors have danced with the devil. Evil with a face. We’ve lived with the unpredictable predator. We’ve walked on eggshells for years. We know what twisted and fucked up is. We’ve seen the lip curl, the snarl, watched the eyes change, heard the venom muttered in our ears. We’ve seen him, the talking serpent, in operation for years. With one eye on us and the other on them, smirking all the while. He knows what he does. The chameleon. We’ve watched the ‘street angel/house devil’ in action. The lies. The fear tactics. The grooming. The voice change and codes. We’ve cleaned up the blood. We’ve developed the coping mechanisms, masks and nervous tics. Pulling hair out strand by strand. Left in harms way by the deaf, dumb, weak & dim witted. Crying on the inside. Praying to just get through this day. Yes my gorgeous one, I see you, I know you, I’ve been you, and I have volumes for you. It’s my honour to serve you. To walk beside you through to the other side as I’ve done myself.
→ we can see the kids/peeps who will not heal in this lifetime. The kids with every disorder under the sun, both in and out of the system, completely dysfunctional, who know what they do – repeating cycles. There’s nothing worse than a village idiot with attitude! They know the system is flawed and failing. They know they’re untouchable. They know we know. They know we see them. The eyes have it. We see the smirk in their eyes. They know the system and the staff are blind with their ‘hands tied’ with policy and bureaucratic incompetence. Again, an ass-about-face, self perpetuating system. This paradigm and it’s systems cements in the victim/bully dynamic. The education system is one of the major operant conditioning systems the world over, full of parrot fashion learning, his-story and left brain academia. It’s been stifling hearts, minds and souls for centuries completely devoid of the Feminine Principle. It’s the last place you need to be.
Fact: treating symptoms is futile. And a ‘resilience class’ is a joke developed by the great unconscious.
→ It’s going to take us, with the trained eyes to see, to stamp this out and make the changes needed to shift the status quo. There are too many clueless folks running this show, keeping us down with the gag order all the while. It’s time to turn the tables.
→ Policy. They’re all man made. Can be changed in a nano second. None set in stone. Written by a male order to suit the current order. Suppression and stupidity tactics on steroids. Middle finger salute.
→ Success. You’re already a success. You survived. You’re already filled with Riches on the inside. Remember that. Now the next levels require some elbow grease and some polishing. I got you.
→ A massive Mindset and paradigm shift is the answer. A complete Deprogram and Recover on every level is necessary. Lucky for us, it’s transition and revolution time. Turn around bright eyes.
Some Do’s + Dont’s
- do get off the streets & out of brothels/clubs
- do keep your head down and your shields up
- do use/make the most of services/courses to learn/grow
- do whatever you can to put some healthy things in place
- do rearrange your sleep pattern first & foremost
- do use false positives when necessary to keep going
- do make a pact with yourself to kick the substances
- do sleep once you’re out of danger
- do use daily affirmations + meditations
- do be gentle with yourself
- do trust your instincts
- do it for yourself!
- don’t use and abuse services/welfare. It’s there for your supportive starting place
- don’t allow yourself to be caught up in other’s drama/crap
- don’t feel like a failure or compare yourself
- don’t seek sugar-daddy or ‘prince charming’
And most importantly of all …
Know + Believe that above all else, The Human Spirit is phenomenal!
Just know and trust that if you want something badly enough, you will find a way to achieve it! Your formidable survivor strength is your exact formidable Warrioress strength. The diamonds you have deep inside to change your stars! And once you put your Mind to it, the Universe shifts + aligns accordingly and the very people + things you need, begin to show up. It’s as old as the hills darling. Check out the book list below. ‘The Secret’ is a just a new take on a very ancient concept.
Now there are all sorts of pseudo-intellectuals and buzz words floating around, such as: NLP, Behavioural science, Neuroplasticity and Manifesting for example. Do not be bamboozled or intimidated by them. Some folks are just waking up & regurgitating whilst others operate in the mental realm and some have learnt how to market & sell it. The thing is, us survivors already have it inside us. It’s automatic; it comes with the territory. Truth is, as humans, we all do. You just need help to remember it, repair it, mine it, tweak it and fly, after the therapy is done of course, xo
Learn it Monday, sell it Tuesday
→ Precaution. When it comes to therapeutic work you MUST do the work with highly trained, qualified therapeutic professionals. Or you’ll end up on dangerous ground. The end. Not negotiable.
¬ Be vigilant. Because everyone’s a 20 minute expert, coach, healer, author or fill-in-the-blank, except they’re not. All filling up cyber space, all out for a buck, playing on your hopes, dreams, insecurities and vulnerability. Avoid anyone with a 6 week course, a 1 year apprenticeship, the 20yr old youtuber or influencer. Seek out the Pro’s with years of training + experience and have an ethical business. Training, and applying to self, over years exists for good reason.
For example: it takes 6yrs to become an Astrologer, (Know Thyself) + specialty + added years of research + ongoing learning + training (+ lifetimes). And yet some sell themselves after 1 year! Yikes. Massive no, no. Astrology is the study of the Soul and our evolutionary process here on Earth, individually + collectively – A phenomenal field of study. Only highly trained astrologers can work on these very deep levels with people.
¬ Be very, very selective when seeking + buying online. Any doubt, leave them out. A safe bet is books & Kindle. Broaden your brain & know-how with books to begin with. Get to know peeps online through their ebooks, free + mini offerings first.
¬ The tail is wagging the dog in this day and age. We live in ‘information age’ with a severe lack of Knowledge. With mass dysfunction and opinions everywhere. Hold tight. Change is nigh and good things are coming. It takes a wise mind to have a still tongue.
Ok, imagine this …
You’ve seen it in the movies countless times. (Just watch Braveheart again). It’s a well known fact that king and clergy and their vile foot soldiers have waged unremitting war on the Feminine for the last 2 millennia. They are the original terrorists, rapists and peadophiles. Hideous!! Criminal. Unacceptable.
Imagine our foremothers – the wise women, mothers, maidens and children rounded up. Imagine the terror. The pain. The suffering. The abject fear. The grief. Witnessing women raped, tortured, butchered and burnt at the stake. Our villages, Libraries and temples burnt to the ground. And the children raped and enslaved.
Now imagine the protection rackets that kick in. ‘It’s not me it’s her’. The divide and conquer begins. Our beautiful men, out fighting this losing battle. The poverty. The dis-ease. The children, enslaved. Child marriage. Domestic violence. No rights. No help. No healing. No contraception. No vote. Hard times. Hard lives. Hard men and women. The Grand Mockery of Justice. The warped mentality of it all. The narcissist, jekyll and hyde, the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The indifference. The silencing. The shame and blame. Their institutions, experiments, diagnosis, labels, pills. Ugh. The Talking Serpents and the mad men at the helm abound – that’s another blog. And then fast forward to today. It’s a very sick society indeed.
Do you see the damage? The wounding? To the Feminine and Masculine. Do you see the dis-ease and violence cycles at work?
- There is no chemical remedy for a very Spiritual, Soul-full problem.
- The body is the Barometer of the Soul.
- Labs and dollars are not the answer. Never have been.
- Deprogram and Recover. It’s an essential healing act for Women. Our health and Humanity depends on it.
01. It Takes Courage to Heal
It takes courage to heal. It takes time to heal. It takes reprogramming to heal. It requires professional sessions with the ‘right fit’ peeps. It requires a safe place. It requires the perpetrator to be removed and imprisoned (or fed to the crocs). It requires sleep, exercise and a healthy diet too. But most important of all, you need a hefty dose of Woman-lore to deprogram, recover, and fill you up from the inside out. And that takes next level expertise.
The last thing you need is to be lumped in with everyone else or sent to school. Nightmare! You don’t have the bandwidth for it. Survivor mode requires very different things. The system is wrong. Hold tight! Yes there’s major unlearning to be done here and a complete overhaul of the system is paramount. It’s a shambles. It’s a mess. And too many are messed up, making more of a mess – yes there’s much work to do here. In the meantime, let’s get you back on track so changes can be made with the correct people in the correct roles. These de-part-ments are faulty, flawed and failing with the wrong peeps at the helm all regurgitating the male theories. It’s so last century Sistar, leave it there! Have faith girl, we live in very significant, revolutionary times. We cannot continue as we are.
As you know only too well, we have the wrong people in the wrong places. There are many many well intentioned yet clueless people in the ‘care’ roles just as there are way too many assholes in these roles and establishments too. There are damaged children in adult bodies, young and childless workers too. We can see the peeps who have their hearts in the right place. However, they are not in the right place. You know they don’t get it. You know instantly. On every level. Don’t waste time changing behaviours, unless you have to. (keep them on their toes)
→ You will not unpack this with just anyone or in services. You’ll unpack it in stages over time with the right fit professionals.
A great beginning place is to be your own North Star. And that comes with some hard and fast Golden Rules for your success.
¬ Call out to every adult for help, again and again until one of them hears/sees you! Most are asleep so holler again and again until the message hits the mark.
¬ Get to a safe place. It’ll be a nightmare so keep to yourself.
¬ Do get this fact in your head: age makes a difference! You cannot beat life experience. Beware older men: they take advantage of youth & immaturity and you cannot spot the master manipulators.
¬ Mind your own business and your manners. Loud, empty, ignorant, (+ criminal) vessels are a vexation to the Soul.
¬ Defend yourself. The bitch/dumb-ass factor abounds in these places. There’s nothing worse than a village idiot with attitude! It’s painful, tedious and mind numbing having to deal with it.
¬ Get to bed by 10-11pm and get up in the morning. You have to reprogram here. Yes you’re used to being hyper vigilant over night because that’s when the ‘street angel-house devil’ usually strikes. Sleep is essential for rest and rejuvenation ensuring you have the energy required for the business of healing. It may take a bit but repetition is key. Services are available during the day so make the most of that. Nothing is achieved overnight except worry and that depletes your reserves to keep going.
¬ Don’t be an asshole. Own your shit. And make them own theirs. Genuine victims of abuse conduct themselves differently to those who are not. Don’t buy into the asshole dynamic. You know of whom I speak. (Those playing the system). Especially in residential/foster care. They’ll probably never heal and will always be problematic. Just make a pact now to recover and leave them for dead. They don’t know they don’t know.
¬ Let go of the shame. No-one ever has the right to abuse you. Shame is their stain. It’s the unpleasant self-conscious emotion associated with negative self-evaluation. Meaning: the asshole has purposely made you feel like the asshole. It’s their shit not yours. They’ve dumped their shit on you. Do not give it one more ounce of your precious time, life, energy. NONE! They do not deserve one tiny ounce of you. Shame on them. Create a daily ritual or visualisation to offload shame. Assign it where it belongs. Free yourself of it at all costs. Find the thing that works for you. Visualise your whole internal body with liquid gold, head to foot.
¬ Reclaim your Beliefs, your Body and your Soul. What was done to you was because of them, not you. What was done to your body was not done to your Soul. What was done to your mental and emotional state was not done to your Soul. Your body let you down because it naturally responds. You know it’s wrong despite the body responses. Doesn’t mean your gay. There’s nothing wrong with you. You were a precious and trusting person before hand and will be again. Don’t let this derail you forever. Don’t harm yourself. Nourish and nurture yourself. There’s major unlearning to be done here. Sexual healing will come in your own time. There’s a minefield of misinformation and fucked-up-ness out there so be very. very selective. Keep it pure and safe – get back to Nature. Avoid all and any twisted, low level shite (strippers, s+m/bondage etc). Run for the hills. Contrary to current unconscious opinions, sex work is dishonourable to you, to the Feminine. I have a mini course in creation for you about the origins and damage of it all. Hold tight.
¬ Reclaim your Self Worth. Worth and esteem are different things. Worth is internal. Esteem is external. Worth is an inner achievement. Esteem is based on goals and external achievements. Work on your self Worth. It’s your job, your Soul/sole response-ability to fill your inner sanctum, your inner sanctuary full to the brim with all things beautiful and awe inspiring. Nature based. Wholesome. It’s always Nature AND Nurture. Do it for yourself. Eat well. Sleep well. Be gentle with yourself. And repeat after me, everyday: ‘Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me’.
¬ Get off social media and keep away from the nutters. Seek good, healthy, wholesome, functional people. Read autobiographical books and self help books from peeps at the top of their game. Learn and keep on learning. Seek out Red Indian Philosophy books and teachings – they’re beautiful, functional and Nature based. People in the epitome of health help people step up into the epitome of health.
¬ Use affirmations and guided meditations. Affirmations are free brain-training statements that help to shift your mental focus from the negative – where most of us spend our time – to the positive. Mantras, quotes and affirmations used daily, help shift beliefs and attitudes learned in childhood, quiet your inner critic, your unfounded fears, self doubt and keep your self-talk positive, with small daily doses of belief in yourself. I also use a 10-15min guided meditation as a relax & reset tool whenever I feel the need to pause, clear and get going again. You can find my personal fav: ‘Boho Beautiful Meditation’ here.
¬ ‘Pattern interrupters’ are more in depth as they work on shifting your beliefs, behaviours, attitudes and the ‘internal rule book’ you adopted throughout life from others and experiences. Society and parenting is riddled with all sorts of bullshit that conditions kids and their belief systems. Remember: emotions precede your thoughts and actions, not the other way around. You need a very savvy professional to work on these deep levels with. Be mindful: they are unicorns. Because this level of work is not currently taught or mainstream yet. It took me 30yrs to research and find what I needed. (Hence I’m creating all of this for you. Stay tuned).
¬ Get onto funny animal videos and Comedians and belly laugh. Yes you’ve been through hell. Yes there are shit people in the world. But for every one of them there’s a hundred of us who are good. We do the right thing. We care. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, you have to look on the bright side of Life too. Because it’ll keep you going so you can come out the other side and turn your life around.
¬ Get physical. Exercise. Swim. Surf. Dance. Join Martial arts class. Kickboxing. Do whichever floats your boat. Try them on for size. But do something. The benefits of exercise and physical outlet is wonderful. You won’t feel like it but do it anyway. You’ll feel the difference and over time, in your time, you’ll schedule it. Spend time in Nature and with animals. Play hopscotch if that’s all you can muster. Skip rope. Move it gal.
¬ Bowen therapy – treat yourself. Being touched is the last thing you need or want. It can take years of processing to recover from. Anything and everything that happens to us is stored in cellular memory too. Here’s a tip that helped me greatly: I treated myself to Shiatsu and Bowen. They both work on Qi meridians and connective tissue. Firstly I had a few Shiatsu sessions that were relaxing and tension releasing. And afterward I had Bowen combined with Emmett technique – something I still treat myself to every quarter. Its my time, it’s a wonderful body tonic, it’s relaxing and it releases knots and tensions like nothing else. It’s my fav. It’s my treat to myself. There’s a wonderful course in London called ‘Free your body, free your voice’. If you can find it, do it. It shows you how everything locks in the body.
Fact: it’s Mind over Matter. Yep, you control your whole in+outcomes in life. But of course, there’s so much more to it than that. (check out Fem health blog). Our thoughts and experiences lock into and program our bodies. They dictate how we hold ourselves and operate on every level – functional or faulty. It’s belief systems and biochemistry every day of the week. So treat yourself to a musculoskeletal, digestive, endocrine and nervous system reset. The multi-trillion dollar sickness industry will tell you otherwise and dish out pills. There’s no money in teaching you how to heal yourself. There’s no chemical remedy for a soulful, spiritual problem.
¬ Re-permission your anger. What was done to you was wrong on every level. They had no right. And they forfeit their rights the second they did it. The system is wrong. It’s a grand mockery of justice. An archaic system set up by men for men way back then. It’s bullshit. It’s designed to give you a double whammy. Fuck it. Feel it. Injustice is what it is. Facts are facts. But don’t hurt yourself or others. Get smart. Outsmart. Turn that inner rage into out-rage. Turn it into the formidable force it is. And do great things with it. Learn to become a Change Agent.
¬ Vent smart. Grab a friend or professional. Grab a big rubber mallet and some wooden pallets. And then smash them to pieces. And then find an open field. And scream at the top of your lungs, over and over for as long as it takes, weekly, monthly. And use your voice, full range, high to low. Growl. Yell. Swear. It’s really cathartic. Find safe ways to express your strong and suppressed emotions. Smash it girl. And get that inner fortitude of yours up and out!
¬ Avoid the labels and those regurgitating them. (of course not everyone will heal in this lifetime & many suffer from all sorts of difficulties – mentally, physically & emotionally). A label is not a life sentence and most are grossly inaccurate. Women’s mental, emotional and physical ill-health is a by-product of oppression – patriarchy and their dis-ease and violence cycles. How dare they damage us then label us then medicate us! WTF. Some illness is acute, some chronic, some severe, some needs professional attention for sure. You will heal within your capacity to heal. #unlearning. There’s work to be done here. Hold tight.
¬ Avoid relationships! Especially in establishments. Pro tip: damaged goods attract damaged goods. Whilst you are busy with the business of recovery you must go it alone. Self care is not selfish. It’s self-centred! Because you are placing all good things in, on and of yourself in order to heal. When you know better, you Be, Do and Have better which means you’ll attract better. Raise your awareness, calibre and vibration by doing the work. There’s no magic wand. Seek Knowledge and purpose and meaning in life. Reconnect to the Natural World. And attract a mate on a higher level.
¬ Don’t breed! Until you’re better. Damaged boys and girls attract damaged boys and girls. Damaged boys and girls are not parent material. It is highly irresponsible to bring children into the world prior to your recovery on every level. Until you’ve been in professional help and come out the other side you will repeat dysfunctional behaviours and parenting – 100%. You will repeat cycles and damage your children. It’s everyone’s responsibility to end these cycles of abuse, neglect, low income, substance abuse, unwanted pregnancy and children in harms way or in services. Get your ass on contraception! There’s no excuse in this day and age. You know what you went through, yes? So why repeat it? No sugar coating here cupcake. Your mission is to recover, break the chains and the generational/karmic cycle. This shit has to stop!
¬ Don’t sell yourself. Prostitution (+ strippers, dominatrix, bdsm, s+m bullshit) is a patriarchal construct designed to leave women and children destitute and desperate and in harms way. It’s one of the ultimate disempowering tactics. After the Witch mania, wounded, abused, motherless, boys and girls were raped and discarded, wounded, starving. homeless, vulnerable and destitute. The word fuck stands for: fornication under command of the king. They legalised the rape of every child over the age of 6. That age changed to 12 in the 16th century. The males who seek out prostitutes, use and abuse women + children, are degenerates from all walks of life from judges to serial rapists and killers. This cycle has to stop! Get off the streets into any help centre available. The system is fundamentally flawed and failing and needs an overhaul. But there is help. Don’t stop until someone hears you! Be persistent. Get off the streets. Get out of danger at all costs. Mass indifference and incompetence abounds in society but this will change once you begin to heal and become part of the shift. Labs and dollars are not the answer.
→ Wounded boys and girls grow into wounded men and women. Hence we live in a voyeuristic system rife with abuse, paedophile rings and human trafficking with all manner of fucked-up-ness – Molly’s/ladyboys/serial killers – with every excuse and justification for it all. In a society normalising the abnormal everyday. Gross. All heading down the drain, dumbing everyone down to the lowest common denominator. It’s fucking dangerous and a by-product of patriarchy.
Do I deserve better? Will I make a great parent? Does my child or future child deserve a healthy functional safe parent? Shall I take responsibility for my life? To break the chains, the cycle? For my generation and the next? Do I deserve a great man in my life? Shall I be part of change? For a better society? The answers are always yes. So do the work. Or fail the lesson. And be part of the problem. No one has the right to be a shit parent and keep passing abuse on. It’s up to us to shift and uplift society and the Karmic Cycle. Enough is enough. This is not our never ending plight Ladies! Wake up. Nothing will change until you do.
You didn’t make it this far to just make it this far
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ¬ Pooh Bear. Us cool cats who do the work reap our rewards. We’re a formidable force to be reckoned with. We’re the ones who have the strength and in-sight to forge a better way. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. We have a way to go to heal the Feminine. And then look out Healthy, conscious, wise women will rise up and kick ass. I can make anyone shit themselves just with a look. My inner ninja gives the message loud and clear not to fuck with me. Add some tone and martial arts to the mix. Lethal. There’s a difference between bravado and genuine Feminine Power. Don’t go off half cocked just yet. But do get your inner ninja on for self protection. You have a way to go through the stages – victim > survivor > stronger, smarter > thriver. Then the next level begins > Wiser and then Heroine-code. #Matriarchal Knowledge – level 1. Once you make it out the other side of the Dark Night of the Soul, there’s a clearing. And then you’ll operate on a new unfamiliar level that requires some know-how to navigate. Don’t panic – you’ll keep your shields up – just in a different, better, smarter, way.
02. Estrangement is Freedom!
Not everyone will heal in this lifetime. That’s an individual Soul-gig. It’s a Soul calibre gig. It’s imprinted on the eyes. It’s all part of life, lessons, evolution and Karma. Both individually and collectively. And that goes for our parents and their parents before them. All issues stem from the family of origin. So here’s the deal – you will never, ever, get healthy in a toxic, unconscious family that caused the shit in the first place! Fact. Endex.
‘Narcissists don’t go to therapy, their victims do’.
The very people who caused the shit rarely own their shit. They’re not evolved enough. That’s why they do what they do. They are not experts. Nor your therapists. And it’s really hard for them to take a good hard look at themselves and be accountable. Because we don’t get the family we want, we get the family we need – chosen on Soul level for our Life Lessons and Karma. This is a separate lesson in and of itself – too broad a subject to cover here – one I cover in my Woman-lore Program. In the meantime it’s paramount you remove yourself and find a safe place to begin your recovery work, with professionals along the way.
‘Sometimes the wrong train takes you to the right station’ ¬ Indian proverb
We are both pupils and teachers in this Earth School journey called Life. When you’re the one to break the chains you will naturally outgrow and move on. And never look back. And see through those who haven’t done the work. You’re the one who needed the situation, the experience and the lesson with the right soul stuff to rise up out of adversity and mentor others in turn. One part of my life lesson this time around has been learning to get over my fear of abandonment. And indeed I have, with honours.
‘Alleycats to Aristocats’
From all walks of life, the world over, from billionaires to serial killers, from judges to shrinks, parents to siblings, everyone in your toxic family of origin has an opinion and everyone ‘s an expert. Except they’re not. They’re all part of the problem with a part to play. It’s the ‘who and what’ you bring into your life to play out your stuff, individually, soul-pod (family) and collectively. Just get as far away from them as possible. I moved away and lost touch over 30 years ago never to return to the house my father built. Best thing I ever did. I always knew they were alien to me. We’re Souls, poles and world’s apart. I learnt the lessons and left them for dead. None of them protected me. There’s been no accountability, no apology, answers or understanding. Onwards and upwards. We each have our own path, journey and Life Assignment to be getting on with. Peace out.
‘If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success’ ¬ Will Smith
03. Break the Silence
Do this at all costs! Fuck them and Uncle Johnny! Fuck grandad the kiddy fiddler. Fuck em all. They’ve enforced the shame-silence tactics to keep it going! They’ve made you shut up so they can get away with it. After 2 millennia girlfriend, this stops NOW! Quit playing small and nice and demure and usable and disposable. Take the gag off. Stand up. Rise up, ‘Mississippi Goddam’ ¬ Nina Simone.
They are nasty, manipulative damaged goods. They will use every sinister trick in the book to keep you in firmly in place, in their grasp, in silent-victim mode so they can keep on abusing. They use coercion, manipulation, fear, stalking, violence, isolation, blackmail, geographicals (always on the move), mental institutions and threats to keep you firmly in place. Cowardice! End the silence at all costs! Call out to everyone! Unfortunately we live with policy bound people and incompetence. Holler 10x until someone hears you. You’ll soon learn you’re not the only one and you’ll empower others to do the same. Unite Ladies!
¬ These males will never stop or change. They get worse over time. They’re sneaky with crocodile tears. And guaranteed, without a doubt they have abused more women and children before you, during you and after you. The criminal justice system is a grand mockery of Justice. We all know it.
¬ If your mother is abused damaged goods she’ll be incapable of defending you due to her own fears, dis-ease, dysfunction and disempowerment, so seek help anywhere and everywhere you can. Keep in mind also, the system removes you not the perpetrator and leaves your Mother in harms way. Wrong! Be a united front with other healthy, recovered women. Together we need to stamp this degenerate crud out and stop the generational cycle. It’s our duty to make them the minority again. It’s our duty to tap into our formidable Power and change laws and teach our daughters and undo patriarchy once and for all.
¬ The only good sex offender is a dead one. They forfeit their human rights the second they do what they do. Unfortunately we have an archaic male system with ridiculous rulings and too many goody2shoes who have never lived in your shoes. But have faith: there are good lawyers doing good things and very soon we’ll be able to upend and overhaul this bullshit system.
04. Personality + Attitude
‘Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I Am. My attitude depends on you’. I have an attitude 3.5 light years wide. I don’t suffer fools or fluff. I have an expert, inbuilt, bullshit detector. I have well honed spidey-senses and witch-wisdom. I’m a 30,000ft Big Picture Type. How about you girlfriend?
→ Here’s a special fact to remember: you have a massive ‘fuck you and don’t fuck with me’ inner ninja! Rightly so, in order to survive. In other words, the length, breadth and depth of your abuse, trauma, pain, survival, vigilance etc is equal and opposite to the length, breadth and depth of your anger, attitude and Power. Ignore those crapping on about resilience. It’s not an external gig or class. It’s a layering & developing process given innately from (conscious) Mother to child. Something we have in abundance. Along with a hefty dose of tenacity, it will be your wingman for recovery & thereafter.
→ Self harm/eating disorders: Flip it Sistar! Turn your in-rage, in-justice & in-pain into out-rage, Justice & Power. Turn your fear and the last ounce of control you have – over your body – and slowly release it. Control your mindset instead to begin with. If you don’t, you’ll be stuck in dysfunctional cycles until you do. It takes/wastes too much energy to suppress. It’s draining. Unlock it, do the work and breathe, live. VIP your ass. When you’ve lost all faith in humanity, have faith in yourself. Do not give them another precious ounce of you. Do not continue their destruction of you with your own self destruction. Do not wear their scars. Fuck em! The best revenge is the best life! Abuse in all forms is out-rage-ous. Channel that shit out. Just start. Baby steps. It’s ok, your security guard, ‘Codename Anger’, will morph into a healthy motivational force and protective force field.
→ Substances. Legal or not. Prescribed or party. This requires a separate lesson (covered in the mini course). Here’s the scoop: some party drugs are fantastic. Some drugs/plants open the mind. Others are downright dangerous. And you’re doing them to drown out pain and reality. But here’s the real scoop: drugs only enhance who and what you are! Are you doing them or are they now doing you? As with all things substances and suppression, long term is always detrimental with shit side effects. And you’ll never experience another high like the first high so more is futile. Again, once you’re ready to kick it, you will.
It’s a very sad individual and system who must resort to abuse and violence to oppress another to keep them down. And that’s all these dicks are doing to you/we/us over the last 2 millennia. They’re keeping you/we/us down in a feeble cowardly attempt to disempower you for their short, fake, quick fix. It’s a self perpetuating system. They think they have a god-complex. How very delusional & misguided! This is not Power! This is simply authority established and enforced via aggression. This is sheer cowardice, evil, and dysfunction. And this is not our never ending plight Ladies.
Of course there’s more to this but I’m not writing my volumes or a novel here. I’m writing to give you insight and permission to find the strength to stand up and rise up and honour up and get healthy and kick ass. Get your attitude on to seek help and protect yourself and start. Don’t stay in it isolated for years. They have no right to do what they do. Not ever. The system will keep you small/victim also – it’s designed that way. They do not understand you. And of course establishments must keep safety and order in place for residents and staff. The kids in care/prison etc are all over the shop, lost in struggle town and asshole-ville. Very sad. There’s major unlearning to be done here.
Genuine Power is unbounded and phenomenal and comes with great Knowledge and Response-ability. Attitude and Power are not one and the same. Nor is bravado. The depth of your anger is equal and opposite to the depth of your pain. And that’s valid. Your pain, anger and attitude is equal to the depth of your sense of injustice. And that’s valid. Your ‘fuck off’ attitude is valid. Speaking the truth is not negative. It’s vital and valid. The only people who can’t handle that are the people who don’t understand and those who are terrified of us. The depths of us is unfathomable and unquantifiable to the norms. (that’s another blog). “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ¬ Dr Seuss.
Anger – is just the lid over pain. Left unchecked is a volatile and dangerous thing. You’ll hurt yourself and others. But healthy and functional anger is a wonderful motivational force for good. I teach more on this but for now I’ll keep it simple. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to strive to be a Spiritual Warrioress. There’s much work, Knowledge and teaching necessary here of course and not all will pass the class, but please enjoy what it will make of you along the way. My message here is please know that deep inside of you are the precious gems and talents and gifts you were born with to turn your life around. It’s scary at first but once you start, you’ll soar! You have the ability to change within your own capability for change. That’s how it works. And it’s us Warrioress Women who will change the world. Not the policy bound peeps, who don’t know they don’t know, currently running this show. Ugh.
Mythbusting – there’s no such thing as a crime of passion. This is a grossly inaccurate label. (There are plenty of them = #unlearning) It’s nothing but a crime of control, a crime of coercion and a crime of destruction. Envy, jealousy and suppressed rage accompany all of the above. Suppressed rage is the underpinnings of domestic violence – and that begins in toddlership with thwarted assertiveness and Will. (Another class). Us women know what passion is. And this ain’t it boys. #Unlearning.
Masks – eventually you’ll take the masks off. The ‘happy fake positive’ shite. The job mask. Everyone wears masks in this day and age. The social/political one and the one they wear to bed. Terrified of real. Terrified of opinions. Terrified of truth tellers. Terrified of us. Jeez, just show one glimpse of your formidable strength and watch them scramble, place you in the bitch-zone and passive aggressive their asses off. Been there done that. Pathetic. You’ll never fit in. You’re not meant to. You have bigger things to do. Just be grateful for the job that pays your way through the stepping stones of recovery and growth. Just know you’re passing through. It’s not your final destination.
It took me years to do this. And that’s ok. It’s normal. So take your sweet time. There’s no rush. Forgiveness is for you first and foremost. There’s a lot of misinformation about this concept out there so I’ll break it down for you. KISS – Keep It Simple Sweetheart. Honesty is always the best policy.
Always keep in mind that you owe you. You owe you Compassion. I found it really confusing when people would say I had to forgive myself. What for? I was a child of abuse. Stupido. Over time I learnt to straighten some of this stuff out.
¬ Forgive yourself = give yourself Compassion. Be gentle with yourself and do the recovery work.
¬ Forgiveness = does not condone abuse or the peanuts doling it out. It just makes you less angry, bitter and revengeful. It also stops you doling out revenge and their Karma. Seeing as the current system is incompetence 101, leave that to the Akasha – the Cosmic Hall of Records. The Eyes of Truth are always watching. Fate has a wonderful way of balancing everything out, in this lifetime and the next.
¬ Unforgivable = some people and their actions are unforgivable. And that’s ok. C’est la vie. Assign the blame where it belongs and move on. It’s their shit, their Karma. There are peeps from my past that do not deserve forgiveness. They do not deserve one ounce of my precious time, life or energy. I left and never went back to the house my father built. The best revenge truly is having the best life. I place my gorgeous energy on my gorgeous life.
‘He who seeks revenge digs two graves’. One for you + one for them.
Be your own North Star
Or your Southern Cross depending on whichever hemisphere you reside. Polish your diamond-soul so bright they’ll have to wear shades! You are a child of the Universe no less than the trees and the stars. You have every right to be here. (Desiderata). Enjoy the baby steps of your recovery. Keep in mind that this work sets you free. As with all good things worth doing, it requires tlc, time and some elbow grease. But the rewards far outweigh the work. Shine on Sistar. You truly are Worth it.
→ A few Essential Guidelines:
¬ it helps to understand & communicate that the business of healing from abuse/trauma/ptsd is mostly an internal, solo gig. Your nearest and dearest cannot help you. Only professionals unrelated to you, over time. (Over time you’ll find different layers with different folks). And you do not have the bandwidth to ‘give’ or be in a relationship. You must repair and fill your cup first and foremost.
¬ it takes a special kinda Soul to be the partner of a survivor, one who is stable and a non-survivor. Get on with the business of healing and uplift. Or you’ll bring the matches and they’ll bring the fuel. Remember, damaged goods attract damaged goods and vice versa.
¬ anyone can hide behind papers – degrees & Cv’s. Anyone can study & regurgitate science, academia and the male theories of old! There are plenty of cookie cutter therapists/coaches and well intentioned, clueless folks out there along with the nutters and malpractice jerks. Avoid them like the plague. You’ll sense them a mile away. Trust your gut and move on. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people with a psyche/teaching degree who’s lives/kids are complete train wrecks, teaching, preaching & ‘helping’. Well meaning but delusional. And the next charlatans to avoid are the ‘healers’. Ugh. You could ‘live in a crystal house with a daily phone call from a healer connected to god just embodying all things positive’ and still have issues. Fact: no-one can transcend life lessons/challenges or abuse, especially not with fluff. Cut the woo woo crap. This work runs way deeper and wiser Sistar. I’m a deep old, Soul and lover of all things genuinely Spiritual, Nature, Intuition + innate Super Powers based on grounded, practical skills + smarts. It took me a 30 year journey to get to this point + still growing.
¬ Shifting on every level shifts your internal-every-level by doing the work. Deprogram + Recover. Shift Beliefs + biochemistry. And then some.
¬ Precaution 1: your therapist/shrink is not in the friend zone. Do not take advice from workshop junkies, the happy clappy’s or those who’ve been in therapy for decades. They haven’t done the work! There’s a reason they’re still in treatment. No, they are not experts in psychology, just co-dependency.
¬ Precaution 2: the dunning-kruger effect aka NFI – no fucking idea with every idea aka the modern day intellectual types who think they know it all. 1. Unconscious incompetence 2. conscious incompetence, 3. conscious competence, and 4. unconscious competence. None of these are Genuine Consciousness on Soul Level – that’s Lifetimes and Old Soul stuff – who have their shit together behind the scenes.
¬ Keep checking in – I have a course in creation for you to save you years of hit-n-miss recovery work. And to upgrade this work with the blend + the Soul Tonic you need to fully recover. And to help you identify the good peeps & true professionals who’ve spent many years qualifying, applying and honing this level of recovery-work. And of course, my Blogs are the way I can serve you for free.
¬ Attitude + Aptitude = Altitude! Your human spirit is incredible, remember.
the Book List:
- ‘the Courage to Heal’ by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
- ‘The Tao of Pooh’ & the ‘Te of Piglet’ by Benjamin Hoff
- ‘the Celestine Prophesy’ by James Redfield
Do yourself a favour and read ‘the Courage to Heal’ above. It’s a fantastic starting place. Remember – the only peeps who can help you are those of us who have lived it, have been through the ‘Dark night of the Soul’ and come out the other side, fully recovered! We’ve done the years of unsexy Soul work.
Grab a friend and a professional and practice assertiveness. Practice saying NO. Enroll in a class. And start sucky. As with all things newbie, it’s uncomfortable and wonkey donkey. Practice makes perfect! #Unlearning. Watch most people cringe, take offense, become defensive or give you the silent treatment. In today’s world of fake positive, precious, thin skinned, policy bound, people-pleasers, watch them squirm. Explain to some and leave the rest. But keep going. They have work to do too! The world needs truth tellers and Honesty – not more of the same current crap.
To your stellar success! From my heart to yours. You had the guts to survive. You have the guts to recover! xo